BATTLE WITH BEING CONTENT

My goodness it has been a really long time since I've updated my blog, but in the past few weeks I've really felt a pull at my heart about not being content where I am in my life and I know someone else out there is feeling the same way.  I want you to know you are NOT ALONE and there is hope and healing on the horizon. 

Take Heart and Know He is Lord.  

Going through divorce is nothing that can be explained.  It's hurtful, terrifying, sad, heartbreaking and not what God had planned when he designed marriage.  However; if you ask me, it's actually not the divorce that is the hardest part to get through.  Yes, going through that process was extremely tough and challenged me in more ways than ever imagined, but the silver lining in the process is knowing there was an end.  What is extremely tough, is after the pieces are put back together; the real journey of mending begins.  It is that feeling that everyone is married, married and have kiddos, getting married, engaged or dating someone.  It's that feeling of being alone and not knowing when you will be 100% ready to be with someone again.  Sure I've dated a few guys since my marriage, but I have known pretty early on when it wasn't the right relationship for me.  I always promised myself I would always listen to my gut since it has ALWAYS been right, even the day I was proposed to.  Our hearts and minds can lead us off the path God has for us, but I believe our gut is the Holy Spirit leading, always guiding us.  This whole ending relationships is a new venture for me as I've always tried to "stick it out" with those who I care deeply about, but since my divorce things have changed a lot in my way of thinking about dating someone.  Sometimes I do wonder if I'm being too picky and not giving men a chance to date me and other times I remember what it was like to date and be married to someone who had one foot in and one foot out at all times, something which I was not willing to do to ANYONE.  Some days I find myself in this whirlwind of lies that were spoken to me as a result of guilt, but I try to catch myself as quickly as possible to mute Satan.  I also know he is quick to jump in my mind at joyous occasions such as weddings and baby showers, reminding me of my failures and where I "could be" but am not.  Being content is a challenge for me at this point in the restoration of my heart.  I do know the Lord is creating a better Wendi through all of this, but it is definitely a battlefield of the mind to learn to be content in my story, which is just that, mine.  The Bible warns about comparing ourselves to others, but if we are being completely honest, we all do it.  Comparison is one of the fastest ways to get into that downward spiral of sin and envy, losing focus on the actual plan that the Lord has for us. 

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.  But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 

1 Timothy  3:6-8

The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need.

Psalm 23:1

So today if there is anyone else who is struggling with being content, I'm praying you find encouragement in knowing that He is the Lord above all and will restore what has been broken.  He heals, binds up our wounds and restores.  Our story will be better than we ever could imagine.  He loves each one of us deeply and will use it for His Glory!  Let's not miss out on the journey, our story.  Our time will come, we must wait on the Lord.  

And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on."

Luke 12:22

All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

-"Desert Song" by Hillsong



BELIEVE THE UNBELIEVEABLE

Today was magical.  Today something happened that some may confuse as a coincidence with God's faithfulness.  Today was a day I will never forget and I would be remised if I didn't share it with all of you.  It reminds me of another experience I had while I was still in Washington, but first I will share today's goodness. 

Last night, I really felt I needed to make a journal entry about things that are currently happening in my life and where I feel a void.  At this moment in my life, I really struggle with most of my friends being engaged, married, or even on their first, second, or even third kiddo.  Some days are much easier than others, but I'm also not going to settle for someone that God did not send to me, that Isn't God's best just so I can be in a relationship.  It's so much more than that for me and some days it's hard to stand that firm ground because it does get lonely with me and my little guy.  It was a rather short entry in my journal, but sometimes I just need to talk to my Father.  There wasn't a whole lot to it, but my final sentence in my journal read, "please make your presence well known to me, All my Love, Wendi" 

I woke up this morning still feeling a heavy heart from my thoughts last night, but I still went about my day.  Finished my morning routine, took care of Smoke, gave him his cookie and headed to take on the day.  I always enjoy listening to Christian music in the morning and definitely needed it today.  I was hoping to shake this heavy heart before I got to work where I care for cancer patients.  I continued with my morning with the warm up of our machines and preparation for the day.  That's when the UNBELIEVEABLE happened.  At exactly 9:00 am today, I received a text message from my best girlfriend and sister in Christ, Mary.  Let me tell you, it was so hard for me to read the text because within the first few sentences I had tears rolling down my cheeks.  For most of you who know me, that's REALLY NOT unusual to see me with tears, but today they were thankful tears.  I cannot even begin to explain in words what I was thinking and feeling the moment I was reading her message.  I had goosebumps on my arms, my paperwork wet with tears.  I sat in silence trying to figure out what had just happened.  I was absolutely awestruck.  I hand an overwhelming amount of thankfulness for my friendship with Mary and my relationship with the Lord, but at the same time I was really FREAKED out.  A few short sentences in her message ready, "I feel the Lord tugging at my heart this morning to write this to you,..."  That was when I knew this message was straight from God. I shared this with Mary earlier today and she was just as mesmerized as I was.  I could tell some verbage was Mary's typical wording, but there were so many other statements that were words of the Lord and were actually read in God's voice in my head and there was a very distinct difference.  You guys, I can't make this stuff up.  It was unreal and I knew at that very moment God was answering my final statement in my journal entry, "please make your presence well known to me."  He did in a big way!  It wasn't even 12 hours later and the Lord answered, quickly.  He was here, he was showing me his IS faithful.  PRAYER WORKS! I'm also grateful for such a wonderful friend in Mary.  Her devotion to the Lord is extremely inspiring, she's got a great heart for the Lord's voice and when he speaks to her she acts on it.  I couldn't have asked for a better friend in my life.  WHAT A BLESSING! 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.

-Philippians 4:6

My other experience where the Lord made his presence well known was shortly after my ex-husband told me he was leaving me.  My sister had flown up for that weekend to spend time with me and to help me get myself back together.  She and I decided to go to a little place in Tacoma, WA just on East side waterfront.  It was a beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest and we just wanted to get out of the house. She and I were sitting on the deck overlooking the water enjoying the beauty of the area when a gentleman walked by our table, looked at us, and continued into the restaurant.  Not even 1 min later, that same man walked back outside to our table, reached into his pocket and pulled out a little wooden cross and handed it to me.  He said, "I'm not sure why, but I was prompted to give you this," and handed me the cross.  I immediately started crying.  I knew this was my first BELIEF of the UNBLIEVEABLE!  The Lord sent that man to give me a cross so I would know he was with me.  I looked up at my sister speechless with tears in my eyes and she said, "Little, he's here with you."  I finally was able to respond to the gentleman with, "you have no idea what this means to me."  

BELIEVE THE UNBELIEVEABLE!  

God is so good.  He is FAITHFUL.  His promises hold TRUE.  Prayer works!  Keep Chasing the Lord.  Even though my life is not exactly where I want it to be right now, it's right where God wants it.  I will continue to wait for God's best and nothing else.  Being a Christian in not the easy way of life.  I've lived life before proclaiming the Lord as the leader of my life and now I will never turn back.  It's not easy, but it is more glorious to see the magic and splendor of our Heavenly Father. 

I think I'll stay here...IN HIS GLORY

 



UNSTEADY

The KING HAS RISEN!  He is risen INDEED!!!  What a wonderful day to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.  It is because of Him that we are able to live and breathe a life full of forgiveness and grace.  I love you dearly my Jesus.  Thank you for all you gave so that I could have eternal life.  I will forever follow you, you are my KING

My Lord has stirred my heart today for those who may feel a little unsteady, shaken, or stirred in their lives and I'm here to say that it includes me too.  I've been here, I've had this feeling before.  The feeling of wanting to go somewhere very special with the life God has given me.  There is something so much bigger than I that I'm being called to do.  Not only do I feel that I'm being called to do something so much bigger than I can imagine, but something that can take away this feeling of loneliness and fear.  Lately I haven't been reading much scripture, if any at all, and haven't been very diligent about praying much and it has become overwhelmingly obvious why I have such an anxious heart.  As a matter of fact, I can feel it everywhere in my heart, mind, and soul.  I'm making a commitment today to get back to scripture and prayer.  It fuels my soul.  As I was sitting in Easter service today I had an overwhelming feeling of the Lord asking me to come back to Him.  I felt sad, my heart broke and I began to weep.  How could I have gone so long without trusting and relying on My God to answer all of the questions I've been struggling with in life?  The one who created me, knows me, knows every strand of hair are on my head, knew me before I was even born into this life.  I've been feeling really unsteady more recently in decisions I'm making toward my future and what it holds for me. 

 I had dinner with a very sweet friend of mine a week ago today after a long weekend of Chiefs Cheerleader Auditions and it couldn't have come at a better time.  This woman is someone I look up to beyond her imagination.  Her success in the professional dance world (NBA), her relationship with her sister, her commitment to success, her belief in God, and her ability to wait on the man the Lord had planned for her life.  From the moment I met her, she and I hit it off and I felt comfortable sharing life with her.  This was the second time we were able to share stories about life together and this visit was nothing short of amazing.  All the glory to God for putting such an inspiring woman into my life that I can look up to.  I know she has also been through some tough times as well and is now living the life the Lord had set for her.  I know God arranged this friendship, He knows exactly what we need and when we need it!  Make no mistake this all happened in the perfect timing. Through conversation, Marina said many of the things I had been asking God and I believe he came to me through her, encouraging me, assuring me, and filling my heart.  I believe if we start to feel ourselves drifting from the Lord, He places people into our lives.  This allows him to still reach us at our low moments.  He is always there, if we are just willing to see Him.  I felt Jesus today.  I felt him back in my heart and I felt his arms wrapped so tightly around me as I was in service.  I still feel unsteady about a few things in my life, but I know that over time, he will align my path and the answers will be abundantly clear of what he has in store for me and the direction I am to take with big decisions.  Do not fear if you feel unsteady, you will not fall.

Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. 

-Psalm 37:24 

 

Sometimes I wonder, why.  Why did I have to go through a divorce?  Why did I have to experience certain things as a child that I did?  Why did I have to get a diagnosis of Melanoma skin cancer last year?  Why is this all taking so long?  Why does it seem that some people who have sinned against me and not repented have a good life?  Why is it that I have to have so many struggles along the way?  Why can't I have a yes for once?  When will it end?  Why is it that all of my friends are married and are having children and I have yet to find a committed man who is authentic and real?  Why did I fall for my ex-husbands antics of not being present, yet I still married him?  Why, why why?  I've got to let this all go!  Everyone's story is different.  Every life is different.  Every destiny is different.  This is why I KNOW God has big plans for me.  He's not quite finished molding me into the woman he created me to be.  I want to draw closer to his heart.  I want to feel him in my soul every day.  I want to live more of a Christian life.  I want people to know I follow Jesus without even having to ask.  I want Jesus to radiate from my heart and soul.  I don't have the answers to the questions above, but He does.  I have to put my faith and trust in his plan for my life.  I can't worry about the "whys."  They just take my eyes off of him.  God will take care all of us on Judgment day, we all sin and God knew we would.  His forgiveness is unshakable.  We fall short of God's glorious standard.  Thank you JESUS for dying on the cross for my sins and being RAISED to life for all to have eternal life.  He has overcome the GRAVE...DEATH HAS NO STING!   

 

 

If you are feeling a little UNSTEADY today, please click the link below and enjoy this song my Church kicked off service with today.  Hold on the KING when you are unsteady.  He's got a plan for your life, believe it!  Keep holding on even if you feel a little unsteady!    UNSTEADY

 



 





THE HEALING PROCESS

Ahhhhh, why yes.  A hot cup of decaf coffee and a night at home with my little guy stirs up a few thoughts.  A number of thoughts about the past few years and my recovery process.  You know, it's interesting that it's taken me almost 3 years to realize the healing process is so much more than just moving on from what was and realizing what is.  It takes much more time {patience} and work {prayer} on my end than I would like to even begin to admit.  When the divorce process started, I remember being told it can take up to the same amount of time to get over someone as the relationship was long.  Stunned and not knowing what was REALLY ahead of me, I thought, how is this even possible and I hope this is not true.  If it was in fact reality, I have a long 7 years ahead of me.  I didn't want to wait 7 years, I wanted the hurt to just disappear on its own.  I wanted the quick fix, the erase button, the control "Z", the undo, the delete.  Where were those buttons?  Unfortunately, the damage that was done to my heart didn't happen in a blink of an eye and the truth is, neither would the healing.  The healing would have to expose the deepest darkest secrets of my struggles to not only me, but to my counselors that had been walking this journey with me, the secrets that are extremely painful talk about.  During my struggle, God knew exactly who I needed, when, and how generous of their time my "guys in armor" would be.  These two would go to battle for me day in and day out, keeping me alive in my body and spirit.  They encouraged me to stand the fight and not give up on life, to not just "go away."  I truly can't even begin to express my gratitude to these two men in my life.  I still keep in touch with each of them and will be forever in debt to them for being MY biggest fans, always leading me back to the ONE in charge, God.
 

O Lord my God, I cried out to you, and You healed me

Psalm 30:2

 
My journey to the Lord and my faith has been a lot like my recovery, a process.  When I became a Christian, I knew that everything I was going through wouldn't just go away, but little did I know that everything I had gone through in my past, also wouldn't be disappearing any time soon.  All of it was up front and personal, right in front of my face.  I was exposed and I didn't like it, as a matter of fact I hated it.  I found myself really closed off a reserved, especially at church.  I couldn't and wouldn't let anyone know my secrets and what I was struggling with personally.  You have to have it all together to be at church right?  I mean, everyone knows how good they are and that they have it all together at church.  At least that's what I had previously heard many times growing up in my little hometown. As a matter of fact, after attending Champions Center for a few short months with my two friends that lead me to the Lord, Jake and Quincy, I realized that church is actually for broken people, REALLY broken people.  People who know they are sinners as we all are.  People who know they need more help than anything man can give.  People who need redemption and restoration, something I would also need shortly.  Church was for people LIKE ME.  I absolutely fell in love with my church and family at Champions Centre!  In August 2013, somehow I managed to graduate therapy school with honors, pass my Radiation Therapy boards, pack for the move home, and GET BAPTIZED, all while my divorce was being finalized.  Check out the Vimeo video below of my Church on the day of my baptism.  

"I HAVE DECIDED"

With TRUST being my word for this year, I know I need to be diligent in not letting my situation or desire to some day have a family be rushed.  This time it will be right.   God already has someone for me and will reveal him when it is God's time to do so.  Until then, I will continue to pray for my future husband, whoever and wherever he is. 

 





THE TRUTH

Welcome to my first blog!  When I first started to share with a dear friend what the Lord was placing on my heart about reaching others in His Kingdom, she immediately jumped on board and began lifting me up in prayer.  With a lot of prayer and encouragement from my friend, Mary, I would not be sharing how God saved me.  It isn't and never will be about what I've done to be saved, but it's because of WHO He is that we are all...

{SAVED BY GRACE}

 

 It's interesting when you reach out to the Lord, the things you find yourself doing, perhaps writing a blog you never dreamed of writing. I know, with all of my heart, the Lord is calling me to share my testimony with as many men and women who are in search of the TRUTH.  I am thankful that I came to know the TRUTH before I began my journey through the greatest trial I have experienced in my 30 years of existence.  I challenge you to reflect on how much you have put down or are willing to put down to seek the TRUTH. 



2016 RESOLUTION {TRUST}

Instead of doing a New Year's resolution, I have decided, again, to chose a word that the Lord has put in my heart.  Last year my word was STRENGTH and I wasn't sure how that was going to turn out, but throughout the year I gradually began to gain strength in so many ways.  Ways I didn't even know were possible and most importantly strength in standing up for what I believe in and my value as a woman!  I couldn't be more fulfilled in the ways God used me this past year.  Praise Him for all of the strength I was able to gain in 2015!  This next year is going to be a fantastic year for me, I can just feel it and know God's promises hold true!

 

And know that in all things God works for the good of those who Love Him, who have been called to his purpose

Romans 8:28

 

This year the Lord has put it on my heart to TRUST Him in ALL things.  Now that I have gained my strength back in the woman I am, it is time to trust my Father in everything, and I mean it all!  I can already tell this is going to be a great deal of a challenge this year because I'm ready to experience all of the blessings and joy he has for my life, but wanted it yesterday.  I constantly am reminding myself, "In His timing Wendi."  It's only the 7th day of the month and I'm already becoming anxious about certain things in my life, namely my relationship or lack thereof.  I'm beyond ready to find a man who has a heart for the Lord and cherishes my tender soul.  I know it's going to take a special someone to be with my soft heart, but the wait will be worth it when the time is right for God to reveal him to me!  I've got to TRUST His timing and the man He's already chosen for me, because let's face it, he knows exactly what I need and when. 

 

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

 

When I am afraid, I will trust in You

Psalm 56:3

 

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me

John 14:1

 

 

I do have some personal updates to share!  I recently was given a new job at a University Hospital here in my area!  I am beyond excited and honored to be working at such a well-known, reputable hospital in the area.  I am still treating Cancer patients with radiation as a therapist, but have just moved hospitals.  God answered a prayer that had been ongoing for about 2 years.  It's always fun to be able to look back at all the prayers God truly answers in our lives!  The picture below is from the NYE event my sister and some of our girlfriends went to this year!  We had a blast and can't wait for what this year has in store for all of us!

 



 

Also, I have taken a leap of faith with joining Silpada!  I have loved their jewelry since I ordered my first piece and now have decided to join their team.  Along with the traditional Silpada silver jewelry, the company launched a new collection in the past year called the K&R collection, which I am absolutely in love with.  If you know me personally, you KNOW this is the jewelry I wear ALL THE TIME.  I have attached my link if you are curious about Silpada, the jewelry, or are even interested in hosting a girls night in.  I would love to share this journey with all of you! 

 

 

 

CONTACT ME:

 

https://www.silpada.com/public/rep/contact?rep=wendi3faith

 



 



UNEQUALLY YOKED

Equally Yoked or Unequally Yoked?  

When I met my ex-husband, I was only 21 years old and had a much different relationship with the Lord than I do now.  After 5 years of dating, I found myself married to a man who was a fan of God but not a follower of God, the same place I was in my journey several years ago.  I moved to Washington to be with my ex, I began to pursue my relationship with the Lord, especially when I was alone during deployments.  When he was back home, we would go to church on occasion, but it was very few and far in between.  I am pretty sure he believed in the Lord, but he wasn't actively praying and seeking God's will.  It really was when he was gone that my relationship with the Lord really began to flourish.  I believe with all of my heart that the amount of time we spent apart (3 deployments), Satan's temptations, and his lack of faith played a large part in the decision he made to have an affair and ultimately divorce.  I said repeatedly that divorce was not an option for me and our marriage, but the fact that he was even considering divorce as an option was evidence that we were UNEQUALLY YOKED. 

Do not be equally yoked with unbelievers.  For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?  Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial?  Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold onto him.  The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14

If the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go.  You don't have to hold on desperately.  God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can.  You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God.
1 Corinthians 7:15-16

 



When you are unequally yoked, the value system can't the same between the husband and wife.  Does this mean the marriage is no longer serving it's purpose?  What if marriage is not even about the two individuals and it's more about GLORIFYING THE LORD?  The closer to God the married couple gets, the closer their relationship is.  Marriage is a GIFT from the Lord, and our gift to him in return is a quality marriage focused solely on the Him.  Without God, marriage would be easy to just throw away when the "next best thing" comes along, because a two people are trying to make something that God created not centered on him, but what happens when God is the rock?  What happens when the temptation comes?  It will come, Satan is prowling.  He's waiting to steal, kill, and destroy any and everything God has created.  Marriage is not an exception!  As a matter of fact, Satan loves to destroy marriages with temptation and lust. 

We must guard our hearts and marriages!  Satan will do everything to tear it apart what was designed by the Lord, be prepared.  Put on the armor of God and defend the marriage.  The persistence of Satan and his desire to destroy is the exact reason that a husband and wife NEED TO BE equally yoked.  The man/woman you are with should lead you closer to God, not distract you from God.  The book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is an excellent read about the real purpose of marriage and glorifying God through our covenant. 

"The REAL purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is HOLINESS"

~Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage