THE HEALING PROCESS

Ahhhhh, why yes.  A hot cup of decaf coffee and a night at home with my little guy stirs up a few thoughts.  A number of thoughts about the past few years and my recovery process.  You know, it's interesting that it's taken me almost 3 years to realize the healing process is so much more than just moving on from what was and realizing what is.  It takes much more time {patience} and work {prayer} on my end than I would like to even begin to admit.  When the divorce process started, I remember being told it can take up to the same amount of time to get over someone as the relationship was long.  Stunned and not knowing what was REALLY ahead of me, I thought, how is this even possible and I hope this is not true.  If it was in fact reality, I have a long 7 years ahead of me.  I didn't want to wait 7 years, I wanted the hurt to just disappear on its own.  I wanted the quick fix, the erase button, the control "Z", the undo, the delete.  Where were those buttons?  Unfortunately, the damage that was done to my heart didn't happen in a blink of an eye and the truth is, neither would the healing.  The healing would have to expose the deepest darkest secrets of my struggles to not only me, but to my counselors that had been walking this journey with me, the secrets that are extremely painful talk about.  During my struggle, God knew exactly who I needed, when, and how generous of their time my "guys in armor" would be.  These two would go to battle for me day in and day out, keeping me alive in my body and spirit.  They encouraged me to stand the fight and not give up on life, to not just "go away."  I truly can't even begin to express my gratitude to these two men in my life.  I still keep in touch with each of them and will be forever in debt to them for being MY biggest fans, always leading me back to the ONE in charge, God.
 

O Lord my God, I cried out to you, and You healed me

Psalm 30:2

 
My journey to the Lord and my faith has been a lot like my recovery, a process.  When I became a Christian, I knew that everything I was going through wouldn't just go away, but little did I know that everything I had gone through in my past, also wouldn't be disappearing any time soon.  All of it was up front and personal, right in front of my face.  I was exposed and I didn't like it, as a matter of fact I hated it.  I found myself really closed off a reserved, especially at church.  I couldn't and wouldn't let anyone know my secrets and what I was struggling with personally.  You have to have it all together to be at church right?  I mean, everyone knows how good they are and that they have it all together at church.  At least that's what I had previously heard many times growing up in my little hometown. As a matter of fact, after attending Champions Center for a few short months with my two friends that lead me to the Lord, Jake and Quincy, I realized that church is actually for broken people, REALLY broken people.  People who know they are sinners as we all are.  People who know they need more help than anything man can give.  People who need redemption and restoration, something I would also need shortly.  Church was for people LIKE ME.  I absolutely fell in love with my church and family at Champions Centre!  In August 2013, somehow I managed to graduate therapy school with honors, pass my Radiation Therapy boards, pack for the move home, and GET BAPTIZED, all while my divorce was being finalized.  Check out the Vimeo video below of my Church on the day of my baptism.  

"I HAVE DECIDED"

With TRUST being my word for this year, I know I need to be diligent in not letting my situation or desire to some day have a family be rushed.  This time it will be right.   God already has someone for me and will reveal him when it is God's time to do so.  Until then, I will continue to pray for my future husband, whoever and wherever he is.