Take Heart and Know He is Lord.
Going through divorce is nothing that can be explained. It's hurtful, terrifying, sad, heartbreaking and not what God had planned when he designed marriage. However; if you ask me, it's actually not the divorce that is the hardest part to get through. Yes, going through that process was extremely tough and challenged me in more ways than ever imagined, but the silver lining in the process is knowing there was an end. What is extremely tough, is after the pieces are put back together; the real journey of mending begins. It is that feeling that everyone is married, married and have kiddos, getting married, engaged or dating someone. It's that feeling of being alone and not knowing when you will be 100% ready to be with someone again. Sure I've dated a few guys since my marriage, but I have known pretty early on when it wasn't the right relationship for me. I always promised myself I would always listen to my gut since it has ALWAYS been right, even the day I was proposed to. Our hearts and minds can lead us off the path God has for us, but I believe our gut is the Holy Spirit leading, always guiding us. This whole ending relationships is a new venture for me as I've always tried to "stick it out" with those who I care deeply about, but since my divorce things have changed a lot in my way of thinking about dating someone. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm being too picky and not giving men a chance to date me and other times I remember what it was like to date and be married to someone who had one foot in and one foot out at all times, something which I was not willing to do to ANYONE. Some days I find myself in this whirlwind of lies that were spoken to me as a result of guilt, but I try to catch myself as quickly as possible to mute Satan. I also know he is quick to jump in my mind at joyous occasions such as weddings and baby showers, reminding me of my failures and where I "could be" but am not. Being content is a challenge for me at this point in the restoration of my heart. I do know the Lord is creating a better Wendi through all of this, but it is definitely a battlefield of the mind to learn to be content in my story, which is just that, mine. The Bible warns about comparing ourselves to others, but if we are being completely honest, we all do it. Comparison is one of the fastest ways to get into that downward spiral of sin and envy, losing focus on the actual plan that the Lord has for us.
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.
1 Timothy 3:6-8
The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need.
Psalm 23:1
So today if there is anyone else who is struggling with being content, I'm praying you find encouragement in knowing that He is the Lord above all and will restore what has been broken. He heals, binds up our wounds and restores. Our story will be better than we ever could imagine. He loves each one of us deeply and will use it for His Glory! Let's not miss out on the journey, our story. Our time will come, we must wait on the Lord.
And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on."
Luke 12:22
All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
-"Desert Song" by Hillsong
